I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
