dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize