my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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