Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
