i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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