jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
