she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
