separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
