6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
