you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
