I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
