I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
