My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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