Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
