My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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