She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
