Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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