it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
