1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
