My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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