There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
