My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
