Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
