That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
