the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
