we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We have started to decorate penises.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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