I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
