omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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