He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
