I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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