some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
