To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We need to get me chipped asap
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
