I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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