On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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