How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
