Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
