Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
