Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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