Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
