I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
