Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
only you would photoshop your dick
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
