I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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