He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
