I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
