Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
