Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
