So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
