she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
