The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
