We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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