the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
do nipples grow back?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize