best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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