she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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