D3 body, D1 cock
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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