So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
