Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
