Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
