some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
sarcasm needs its own font
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
