i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize