Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think your dad took our porno
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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