ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
