He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
