I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize