I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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