wakey wakey hands off snakey
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
