I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
