there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
