While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
