bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
