I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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