Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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