hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
