Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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