Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize