so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
