Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize