yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
