Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
im six kinds of drunk right now
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
