You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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