Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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