Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
