I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
