I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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