the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
