i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
