As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
