I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
NoShamevember. You game?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
