just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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