i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
