my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
