Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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