some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
