update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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