ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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