My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
