Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
