He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
