You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
