Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
honey bunches of taint.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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